In The Well
If we’ve had the pleasure to meet, you may have noticed that I am heavy on my gestures and on using imagery. I express myself best when I can paint a picture of what I’m trying to communicate. In addition to making it easier for me to get my point across, using imagery helps my clients visualize their struggles in a tangible manner; which in turn helps them visualize themselves coping, resolving, and healing.
When processing difficult moments with my clients I have often used the imagery of a well. Imagine a deep-dark well. It is cold, damp, and it feels impossible to climb out. When we are experiencing moments of deep sadness, grief, hopelessness, or any other difficult feeling that causes us to feel stuck in life, the image of such a well may resonate with you. When in that well, we may feel desperate to get out but lack the tools to climb up. Sometimes, we become so hopeless that we sit at the bottom of the well and never look up. We may even start to dig ourselves deeper in the well by allowing beliefs that attack our self-worth to take over. Some may even fear leaving the well because, although it may not be comfortable or healthy to stay there, it becomes familiar. The idea of being outside in the unknown may be scarier than staying in the dark.
Getting out of the well will take time, trust, patience, trial and error, and A LOT of self-love. The good thing is that YOU are the best person to get yourself out. I have guided many clients through this process, but it is ultimately them who learn how to get themselves out of the wells they encounter in life.
So, how do we get out?
Acknowledgement: Like much of the work in therapy, first recognize that we are in the well.
Identify and visualize the factors that caused us to be in the well and what keeps us there.
Pay attention to what we do when we are in the well. Do we dig? Try to climb out without tools? Do we sit and do nothing?
Visualize what will help us get out. Look for behaviors, thoughts, and/or patterns that need to be addressed and changed.
Acceptance is huge! We need to be patient with our struggles and learn to identify when it’s better to sit at the bottom as we plan our way out instead of desperately clawing at the slippery walls without a plan or tools.
Self-Love and Self-Validation will help boost ourselves out of the well. Like building blocks, self-love and self-validation will raise the ground we stand on , bringing us closer to the top and ultimately lifting us out of the well.
Understand that our stay in the well is temporary, and that we may find ourselves in many different wells in our lifetime.
Being your own savior will be key. Depending on others to get you out can lead to disappointment and more pain and suffering. Once you’ve learned to get out on your own, it will become easier and less scary the next time you find yourself at the bottom of another well in life.
Finding ourselves back in the well, even when it’s the same feeling or thought that brings us back there, doesn’t mean we’ve failed. This indicates that we are still in need of healing.
Self -Validation, Self -Acceptance, Self-Care, Self-Love and a strong support network will minimize your chances of falling into deep wells.
It is easier said than done, I know! Although YOU have to do the hard work, you don’t have to be alone in this process. Working with a clinician that you trust can be very rewarding and can accelerate the healing process. If you would like to start trying to get out of your well, reach out.
You are not alone.
*If you are in a crisis please call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.
